Saturday, November 28, 2009

he asked me the other day.. did your mom ask why you suddenly wanna go home?. i said oh. hahaha. nope! all she said was "yes! syukur alhamdulillah. bila balik?" like super enthusiastically!! and continued to fake a laugh to show how it was a good thing and that im happy i decided to go home for winter.

hm. can't believe im saying this but, despite still feeling hurt (less) and feeling much better about myself and acting less pathetic than i actually feel.. i feel like i was a stepping stone to you. someone to help pass the time and have fun with while waiting for the right person to come along. i feel so.. accessible like i was always there; ready and available.

on my part though, i saw it coming. i turned out to be either impossibly hopeful or blisfully ignorant. i just didnt know it would turn out this way so soon, so fast, so ugly and i end up hurting a lot more than i thought i would. and when you said those words i already knew in my head.. it made everything so real. so final. and now all i'm doing is trying to move on. wait. no. not trying. i am moving on.

i think i even lost a bit of faith in love. i know it's out there.. im just not sure if it's for everyone. honestly though, you're a bit of a douche. but we had a great time while it lasted. i'm happy for you and her. wish i could tell u that... at least one of us are.


so. yeah! i met someone new. well, sorta new. dont know how it's gonna turn out though. scared. but will just hafta wait and see how it goes. i'm looking forward to that. and home. 4 weeks of r&r, drama free. filled with people i love and i know who love me back. and oh. books - -" hopefully by the end of it, i'll be super fly i wont have a care in the world for all the dramas around.
live & learn. gambatte kara!! ;D

kawa Boo! blogged at 4:04 pm