Monday, July 12, 2010

I don't know why. I didn't go. It seems childish, maybe. Or even selfish. But I don't like funerals. People cry, wail and even if they don't you can see the look on their faces. And it just... sucks the life out of you.

At funerals people mourn, they reflect what had happened - try to go over the deceased's last few hours alive, praise for their life's achievements and their good deeds and most importantly pray for them in their after life. People try to wrap the idea around their head that this person has actually moved on. He left. Gone. Body buried in the ground. For some, people accept this though it can be at different rates. Some may wail till their eyes get all puffy, some may stare into nothing and feel numb from the world, some may just be there to comfort others. Either way, emotional roller coasters are unavoidable. In a bad sense.

I'd like to take this chance to give my condolences to the whole family and everyone else who has been affected by this ONE person's death. It is such a tragedy. I may not know him well or even ever spoke to him but from the number of people that were present at his burial, I can imagine how much he was well loved. From the stories you can hear, you know that he was a good son, a good brother, a good nephew, a good friend.

Strangely, I'm almost envious of him - of the way he left the world. I know accidents are not among the best ways to go, but the fact that (from stories,) he managed to spend his time with his family towards the end, be able to tell them how much he loved them, even say his somewhat goodbyes to his girlfriend and last but not least, be able to recite the Yaasin himself. It's almost beautiful. Papa was saying that he might not have been able to cheat death since it was just his time to go, but at least he had the privilege to somewhat know that it was his time and he was able to make the most out of it.

You know, I hate the fact that even with someone that I barely know, I am able to tear up, feel genuine empathy for the people around him and silently mourn. I literally cannot and won't even try to imagine what would happen if it was someone who was very close to me that passed away. I don't know how I'd ever cope. I know life and death is a part of living. Papa keeps reminding of it. And life is short, to say the least. But. Argh, okay. I don't even wanna think about it.

Well anyway, insyallah tonight I'll recite the Yaasin for him and if anyone else who's reading this, is able to, and haven't done so, it would be great if you could recite the Al-Fatihah for him... Damn, I don't even remember his name.

Since I couldn't bare to attend the funeral (it would've been my second), this is my way of paying back. I'm really sorry for your loss and to not be able to be there with you through this hard time - Uncle Kas, Aunty Badariah, Muadz, Mukhris and everyone else who I can't even start to name cause I'm sure it would be a REALLY long list. I know he meant the world to most of you. He will be dearly missed by all. But I truly believe that he is in a better place. And hey, in the end Insyallah god willing, we will all be reunited again. That's the only thing that I think would keep me going at a time like this. Everyone will be reunited again. Someday.

*Al-Fatihah*

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kawa Boo! blogged at 2:21 pm