Monday, May 21, 2012

One thing I think I lack most and something I am envious of a lot of people is - PASSION. I wish I have something I can just dive into and immerse myself with. And no matter how tiring or how difficult it gets, it still ends up being something that is worth all that effort.

Gah! Now I can see why going to school is so much easier.. People tell me what to do, and that somewhat gives me a direction. AND all the while I get to whine all about it if it doesn't turn out great - like biology in form 3 :/

I wish I knew what I want to do in life! I mean, I know people say sometimes it takes a long time to find out what you really REALLY want in life, assuming that you're lucky enough to even find out at all! I guess that's the big question. What's my purpose in life? I'm not talking about religion, mind you. In that sense I am not doubting that I do have a purpose.

Anyone can have a job; it can be a part time job at 7-eleven, or a full time job as an engineer. But I think what I really wanna do is have a job that would leave a mark here for when I leave (wow this is so cliche). In short, I wanna save the world -.- That's about the vaguest thing I've ever said. And I know it's impossible to literally save the world, but every little thing helps. Right? Ughh... I don't wanna fix things like air-conditioners and build better roads for drivers all my life (was looking through government jobs at JKR)!

Then again, I might be asking too much. As much as I want to be different, to be outstanding and to be special, I am average. At least that's what university has made me realised. It's really sad and definitely not something I expected to learn when I first reached Bath. Back in first year, everything was so open to possibilities. No exam results or work experience to pin point my level in society. Just hope and dreams for a bright future.

It's a little infuriating to be honest. Even after going through years and years of education, there is still so much more for me to learn. Courses to pass. Experience to gain. It's never ending really. Sigh. Need to stop whining and just suck it up. That's life. Tough luck.

Listening to my internal clock ticking doesn't help either. Pffft. Though, rationally it is something that I shouldn't be worried about. Right?

Labels: realising

kawa Boo! blogged at 11:09 pm